If you have a TV then you've probably seen the Progressive Insurance commercials with Flo. One currently in rotation is a cute meetup between innocent ingenue Tammy and 'the cute guy in 12C' only the meetup is short-circuited by Flo with her insurance spiel and a lost retainer found in a dryer. But what if Flo was simply a pause and not the end...
"So your name is Tammy?" Joachim (aka, the cute guy in 12C) asked quietly, there was no question that the weird interruption by the strange white woman had startled him. He'd never seen that woman around the laundromat, or anywhere else actually and he had been concerned she might assault him or worse - accuse him of assaulting her. Yet not only had she known the girl's name, Tammy, but she had Tammy's retainer. "Um, was that your mom?"
"WHAT?!" Tammy stuffed the retainer into her pocket. The woman in white had confused her. It was one thing to find a retainer in the dryer, but how did that woman know her name? Plus the cute guy had been walking toward her, and seemed to want to talk to her. And now the cute guy knew she wore a retainer, like some pre-prubescent virgin. Well I'm 19 freakin' years old and I am not a virgin -- for the most part. And I want to have your babies! What? Oh my God did I just say that out loud?
Tammy glanced to her left and noticed her roommate Abigail watching the strange woman in white walking away. Okay, I guess I didn't say that out loud? And the cute guy is still talking to me, isn't he? But why is he talking about that woman instead of me and why isn't Abigail helping me here?! Huh - what did he just ask me?
"My mom? NO! I've don't know who she is. I thought she knew you, I mean she was talking to you about bundling -- isn't that a euphemism for sex? Are you sleeping with her?" OHMYGOD, I did not just say that! I swear I was thinking about him. Sex with him.
Tammy was thunderstruck by what she had just said. He's going to hate me. He'll think I'm some kind of raving lunatic or a jealous harpy. It's none of my business who he's screwing. Why wouldn't he want to screw me? Oh shit, Abby help!
"Sleeping with...oh Lordy no. No. No. No way. I mean I rather be sleeping with yo - yo-..." Joachim stopped mid-sentance - SHUT UP YOU FOOL! Just shut the fuck up right now! Why is it so hard to talk to white girls, especially the shy ones. Fuck, she's beautiful, I love the way her overalls push up under her breasts. I wish she'd had to wash her shirt. There was definite movement beneath her shirt just a moment ago. I don't see any bras in her basket. I wonder if she's like me and is going commando right now. Maybe I should ask if - shit, a quick rush of blood to his dick reminded him there was nothing he was wearing that would keep it in place. Stop thinking about her pussy (my mom would kill me if she ever heard me going on like this) Oh, I know what I'll ask, "What I mean is - you're sure you don't know her. I mean she had your retainer."
Tammy stared dumbfounded. Her retainer, all he noticed about her was her retainer! Damn it Abby say something! You were telling me to talk to him and the only thing he's thinking about is my 'freakin' retainer. Oh, wait a second, wait...my retainer goes in my mouth. Maybe he's thinking about my mouth. Maybe he's thinking he would like to be my retainer, inside my mouth, maybe kind of like a french retainer, and he wants to kiss me like that.
Joachim looked on in awe as dozens, in not hundreds, of thoughts paraded across the hot girls face. I wonder what she's thinking. She has the clearest blue eyes and she looks so sexy in those glasses, and her long, straight hair that frames neck...oh, and her neck, so long and kissable. And her lips, her lips were so...OH FUCK, I"M GETTING A BONER. I'll move closer to the table so she doesn't see anything.
"My retainer. Yes. She had it." Oh my God you inarticulate idiot, stop with the retainer alright. Focus on him, talk about him, make him think you're interested in him. Well of course I'm interested in him. I saw him moving into his apartment. I was interested then and I'm still interested. How can he not see how interested I am? I should have done something, Maybe I should have baked chocolate chip cookies.
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! Baking fucking chocolate chip cookies?!? That's something my mom would have done. I don't what him to think his mom lives down the hallway. I should have given him something appropriate like a 'welcome to the building bottle of wine' or some maybe a bottle of tequila - yeah tequila, 'three shots and I'll be dancing on a table tequila'. And if I just happened to have forgotten to wear my underwear. Tammy blushed deeply, internally reeling as the thought of him reaching for her, touching her, and hopefully taking her. And again and again and again. Those thoughts and more roiled through her being until she feared she might break into a sweat. And stop looking into his beautiful brown eyes. Damnit Abby I need you here! Help me!"
Joachim pressed against to table willing - quite unsuccessfully - that his raging erection would abate. Her flush of color - damnit, she must have seen my hard on, now she'll think I'm some kind of stalker/perv - damn she looks hot. He looked away from her demanding gaze and his eyes feel upon a small pile of color. What were those tiny - oh - panties. She must wear the tiniest, sexiest panties. Panties that press against her...oh shit, I'm never getting rid of this hardon. Do something you Joke, say something, anything - say it now! "Um, nice panties."
Ahh, you moron, you idiot, you...
"You like my panties?" Tammy smiled in sudden calm and wholly unexpected composure. She pulled her glasses off and gently nibbled the end of the earpiece. She considered rubbing the end in and out of her mouth but rejected that as 'too slutty.' Suddenly, unbelievably she felt very confident. My, my, my said the spider to the cute guy from 12C, welcome to my...
"Geez, was that one crazy lady or what? Well, Tam - let's get this back to the..." Abigail finally noticed that Tammy and the 'cute guy from 12C' who was leaning against the folding table were in the middle of something - but why weren't they talking? No problem, fear not Tammy, I'm here to help. "Hello. who are you? I'm Abigail, looks like you've met Tammy. We're roommates, just normal roomies, although we do share a big master bedroom - separate beds though. Mines a double, Tammy has a queen-size bed. I have no idea who that woman was - do you? Was she you're mother? What was your name again?
"Hi, um, no not really...um, my what? No idea. No. I'm...ah, Joac..."
"So your 'a jock', like an athlete jock or more like a supporter jock?" Abbie thought her comment both humorous and apt as she'd overheard him say something about Tammy's panties, well two can play at word games. His look of confusion and Tammy's murderous glare suggested she may have ever so slightly misunderstood the actual situation. Opps.
"No, my name is Joachim, it's the Euro version of Joaquin. My dad was ...forget it, doesn't matter. No idea about the lady. Um, anyway it was nice meeting you Abigail. And you too Tammy, see you guys around." He turned and walked back to the dryer, closed the door and started the drying cycle.
Tammy sighed, shook her head and started placing the folded clothes in the basket. Maybe cookies weren't such a bad idea after all.
Abbie looked at Joachim's back as he walked away 'nice butt, cute and tight.' She paused for a moment, realizing she had stepped on some kind of unspoken dynamic between Tammy and 'the cute guy from 12C.' A idea popped into her mind as clear as could be - YES, PERFECT- she grabbed a pile of clothes and called out, "Joachim, l owe you an apology, that was very unkind of me. Tell you what, if you could bring these up when your drying is done - I know for sure that Tammy would really appreciate it."
Joachim turned, smiled a nod at the apology and held out his hand, only to find it filled with Tammy's colorful, tiny panties.
"She won't really need them until morning because she sleeps in the nude."
"Oh, and don't forget we're just down the hall in 12F, see you in an hour Joachim. Bye for now."
"You're sleeping here tonight? I'm honored." Abbie chided her friend.
"Joachim is going home for the weekend and I can use a good nights sleep." Tammy wasn't kidding, after two months of dating, it was the rare night she didn't spend at her boyfriends place. 'Her boyfriends place' she liked the sound of that. She liked having a boyfriend, especially one that happily indulged her in her exploration of 'how much sex can a happy couple have if a happy couple wants to have sex?' Turns out - a whole bunch of sex. More than she ever thought she'd be having. And doing way more things with a guy than she ever thought she would. "Plus, I need to up my calorie intake, I think I'm getting too skinny."
Abbie looked at Tammy with an appraising eye and her unspoken but caustic wit. Yeah boo-hoo Tammy, boo-hoo, you've been on a two months long cum diet and you've never looked better. You've lost ten pounds, yet you've got killer abs, a perfect butt, your skin looks fabulous, and your hair is just gorgeous. And you say you need to up your calories. Bitch! "Me thinks tho protest too much."
"Well, I do."
"Gloating is very unbecoming." Abbie raised her eyebrows, then lowered them in a mock glare.
"Well, it's your damn fault, la de da and oh by the way, "she sleeps in the nude." And oh surprise surprise, you just happened to have opened a bottle of wine and ordered a pizza that arrived just before he was knocking on the door. Then, then you - I can't beleive you made him count out my panties and faux accused him of keeping a pair as a souvenir - ha, ha, ha - 'oh Joachim, I'm sure I saw her favorite pair of crotch less panties in the ones I gave you. Are you sure you didn't keep them?' I have never owned a pair of crotchless panties nor have I ever been more embarrassed. And then the capper, suddenly you remembered you had a date with Tony, and loudly proclaimed as you walked out the door, "I won't be back until Sunday late."
"I guess it didn't help that I suggested to him to ask you to model your entire panty collection."
"I can't believe you told him that when I was in the bathroom." Tammy shook her head. "Unsurprisingly after two bottles of wine it made perfect sense to me. The look on his face when he asked me if I thought the last pair of panties I was modeling were edible. Oh my Lord."
"There's that gloating again."
"We all have our burdens."
"Right, and you're current burden seems to include trouble sitting comfortably and ..."
"Jo was very effusive in his good-bye."
"Yeah, so effusive it's dribbling down your leg."
"What? Where is...oh you bitch. Am I really that bad?"
"No, of course not. In fact Tammy, I think you and Jo are very good for each other. I've never seen you happier."
"Thank you, I really..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, no more of you and your embarrassment of riches and all - okay? Oh, you remember when you finally worked up the courage to talk to the Amazing Joachim and that weird woman in white popped up out of nowhere? Well guess who I saw on TV today."