Some people are beautiful on the outside and some are beautiful on the inside and some say beauty is only skin deep and there are generations of younger people that grew up with smart phones that know the hidden mysteries of taking selfies successfully. Lori is not one of those people. Lori's abhorred pictures of herself since the first classroom portrait in kindergarten. And as she grew older, her self image as imagined by the camera never improved.

Early into the pandemic and her sexual renaissance, Lori had to address the photo issue. Imagine successfully online dating without a decent selfie (or five). You can't. It's impossible and unimaginable because it can't be done. Lori had to accept this realization. She was closing in on a man she wanted to have sex with through emails and he wanted a picture and the picture from ten years ago just wasn't going to cut it.

So last April, she took her phone and her face and walked out to the beautiful central California inland coastal area where oak trees nestled into the still green wild grasses on meandering hill sides. She sat at a picnic table and took pic after pic after pic and hated every single one of them. She was going to give up when she recalled that many people took their selfies in cars. Hm. So she tried it. A solefull glance out the windshield, no smile. Done! She was good to go. This selfie passed the barf test.

She won her pen pal only to learn that wasn't enough. He wanted more. He wanted boob pics and butt pics and whole body pics and videos. Videos?! What was she going to do? She did her best. She tried painting a picture by writing with these words to Paul, her pen pal:

"You've just finished cumming inside me (THANK YOU!) and you were on top of me when you did and your cock was in my pussy and you supported yourself with your hands and looked down into my eyes and gave me a tremendously sensual kiss (while your cock was inside me!) and that's when I might have passed out from pleasure. Coming to (cumming too?), you are exhausted on top of me. You teased me for how long? Bringing me close then backing away, so many times, over and over. We are both sweaty and wet and our juices are going everywhere. You roll off me, I cling to you cupping your cock and you look over and say, weren't you going to take some pictures?

Oh yeah, those damned pictures. Is there any better time to take a picture of a wet pussy other than when it's super wet and excited? I'm going to need your help. Do you want to manage the camera or the body parts? Oh -- body parts? Ok, Ok. I kneel on the bed with my arse facing you. You spread my soaking wet and kind of tired girl parts wide open. I bring the camera in for a close one. Click. Next picture. Oh you want one of my ass while I'm like this? Ok, you are going to have to handle the camera. You take the camera, aim and shoot. Click. Next picture. Oh, you want me to be between your legs and suck on that manly instrument of pleasure we've been calling a cock this whole time and you want my boobs to be in the pic as well? Ok, you're going to have to be the camera man again. Click, next shot. Now you want me walking away from you, naked, so you can get a picture of my backside but you want me to look over my shoulder so you get my face on the screen too? Ok. Click. Next shot, now what? Of course, a movie. The movie of my erect nipples hitting the sheets when I'm on the bed doggy style and you are behind me with your hard cock. We will have to set up the tripod for this one. But tell me, are you going to be fucking your way into my pussy or up my ass? Which sounds better to you? Ohhhh! You want to do both. Well, ok, only because I totally dig you and all the itty bitty parts and the big parts of you too. And oh my fucking god! That feels so damn good. I'm going to die. I swear I am going to die."

Yeah, it wasn't very satisfying for him either. So Lori stood in the bathroom at work, unbuttoned her shirt, took a picture of her boobs. And then she bent over the sink to get the hanging effect and took another picture. And she stood by the door to take a picture of her ass and she felt so stupid. She was able to crop out the ugly bits and sent them over. He forgave the absence of the naked ass, the look over the shoulder and lack of video. I think he understood that was all Lori was good for at the time.

Fast forward a month or two when Lori started online dating through sites like OK Cupid and Bumble. They are serious about pictures. She also realized she's really not BBW, she's actually SSBBW. Prospective lovers needed to know this to save both of us the discomfort of surprise. She began vetting everyone with not only the face pics she collected but also with a video on youtube that shows her full body. She points out what frames she can be found in. This process has made a huge difference for her. Some people wonder why she went four years celibate after her divorce. The truth is she didn't think anyone would want her because of how she looked.

Fast forward to winter around Christmas. Now Lori is participates in an online kink community site and she is fighting hard for attention. How does a 53 year old fat woman compete with naked 18 year old Barbie's running, bending, spreading and kneeling all over the screen? She doesn't.

But still, even here (or maybe especially here), the pressure is on. "I must see your curvy body. I want to see that big ass." Said all Dom's everywhere. Geez. What to do, what to do. She decided if she ever went back on to the dating site circuit she would make the investment in working with an actual photographer and maybe even a dating site profile expert (so Portlandia, I know!). But this wasn't a dating site and she isn't really going to lay out the $1K to get a date anyway.

And then she runs across a kinkster that is into photography and his work looks good. She found his profile by reading a posting he made. She responded with a PM and they started talking about doing a photoshoot. This, that, and the other thing happened and she found herself on Christmas driving up Highway 17 in the rain at 6 PM for her photoshoot. The photographer suggested they share a meal and recommended she also brings something she thinks she looks sexy in.

Oh. Right. Lori doesn't think she looks sexy at all in anything ever. What is he talking about? But she does a little thinking about attractive older BBW women that she thinks are sexy and she is reminded of the protagonist in Bagdad Cafe (1987 indie film), played by Marianne S├Ągebrecht. The protagonist is a lonely German tourist stranded in the middle of nowhere, USA. While there, she discovers magic and opens herself up to possibilities. She is seduced by an artist played by Jack Palance. And through modeling for him, one may visually see her opening up and blossoming. It's wonderful. So, Lori is like, hey remember that movie... And decides to bring a billowy scarf from Italy that she can drape over her naked body while lounging on a bed or sofa. Just like the protagonist in the movie.

It was dark and rainy with no traffic on her drive up to his cabin in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Yes, Lori had a, "Oh hell girl," moment. But she did it anyway. She found the place, parked, knocked on the door and did her best, "Hi, I'm Lori," and then started gushing about how nervous she was. How she hates pictures of herself. How she can't take a selfie without barfing. How she hates looking big in pictures and on and on.

He understood. He explained how things will go. He put out a charcuterie platter and they sat down to munch. They talked about his photography, how he came to live in the cabin, about his love relationship, and they grooved on science fiction. She was excited to learn he met Neil Gaiman. He was also full of information about the local kink community. Lori was fascinated. The conversation came easily. The photographer turned out to be a nice guy.

And then it was time to start taking pictures. Lori explained how she doesn't have anything she feels sexy in and she explained why she brought the scarf and then she just took off her clothes. It seemed like the easiest solution. She needs a picture of her butt and she knows her breasts are desirable so maybe some breast pictures too and she also wants to see parts of her body that she's never seen before, especially her vulva. If the photographer had any concerns, he didn't show them.

It was a remarkable amount of work to set up a studio space in his home and he has to locate many items, set them up, try them out, etc. Finally, he was ready. Lori stood under the lights and he started shooting. He took about 50 or so shots and then they went into another room for preview and processing. This helped them to see how things were going and identify what was working and assess where they needed to go.

Lori wanted to barf when she saw the pictures. She was sitting next to him in front of his computer with multiple screens. She was still naked but keeping the scarf between her ass and the chair seat. She could not stand the head shots. Oh geez, is she really that fat? Yes, yes she is. Then he brought them to the deep discussion about photoshop and photo manipulation. They decided against it. The photographer told Lori there are men in the world that are attracted to her body type and that it indeed is very sexy to them.

Ok, back under the lights for more. This time with a focus on the butt and here he has to be careful because she has a rash in her crack. He has to tell her this to explain why he is doing what he is doing. Oh the many intimacies Lori and the photographer shared that evening. And a thousand more pictures and hours later she walks away with 8 pictures; 3 of her butt and 5 of her breasts.

Lori experienced a head rush at the end of the evening. She was so thankful she had the pictures she did. She was also thankful for how kind and giving the photographer was and she suspected she would be back. They talked about interest. He talked about his primary. They talked about STI reports and her partners. They ended with a promising kiss.

After Christmas, Lori orders herself some lingerie through the mail. This is another thing that comes up in her sexual renaissance frequently enough for her to take action. She's officially never had any sexy underwear, outfits or clothes. No lingerie whatsoever. She always thought naked was sexy and that was good enough. She has been asked to wear it and has had to say she does not have any. She has an online friend who was pushing hard for lingerie and photos.

She places the order and it comes in the mail and surprise surprise! it actually fit. She was excited. She wanted to go back to the photographer's and take the pictures. She wanted to send them to her friend and perhaps also post them in the online community. She came to like sharing pictures of herself that are sexy. She has shared many many pictures of her breasts.

Between the first photo shoot and her last, she was involved with an online Dom that demanded many pictures. She had to take them and share them with him so she did and in the process she discovered it wasn't all that bad. She took some hot pictures of her boobs, posted them and the response was positive and a bit intoxicating. Much to her surprise, she was turning into an exhibitionist.

She also had an opportunity to ruminate on and picture her inner self during a meditation class during the time span between photo shoots. Her image of herself was of this sexy earth goddess with long flowing hair, boho clothing, dark tanned skin and strong legs. She was on a cliff above a beach. She knew the beach. It was in Mendocino. When asked to see herself, a true self, she saw this sexy self-confident woman in a place she longs to live. She didn't see the 53 year old codependent mom-body slaving away in suburbia. Instead she saw someone that was sexy and powerful and beautiful. Her true self. Lori was excited to learn that she saw herself this way and when she mentally tried to unmake it, she was not able to.

She got in touch with the photographer and made plans to come over the next day. Lingerie in hand. Another drive into the Santa Cruz Mountains. Another shared meal. Another huge effort to set up the studio space with lights and move furniture around and then it was time. But before they got started, the photographer checked in with Lori. He talked about safe words and hard limits. He wanted to know if she wanted to build up to something or if he could just grab and go as the urges hit him. Lori explained how she is like a big puppy dog. All licks and tail wags and undivided attention and devotion regardless of her handlers behavior. She did however, have to explain what beige meant. Beige is so bored you are thinking about England or grocery shopping.

Lori changed into the babydoll and lacy thong underwear. She sat in the middle of the futon, under the lights and click, click, click went the camera. Then the nipple clamps came out and attached to her nipples. There was twisting and pulling, tugging and swivelling. A lot of play and a few click, click, clicks. Time for processing and reviewing. The photographer is used to taking full body shots. Lori explains she doesn't like them. That she knows she is a big lady and doesn't want to call it out if it can be avoided. They agreed on more close ups. They focused on the boobs.

Now she is laying down on the futon. The photographer decided to expose a breast. But first he must squeeze, suck and bite the breast. Then he needs to arrange the clamp again. And she needs to be arranged, "...move forward, to the left, a little higher, there. Now hold it," click, click, click. Then he decided tying her hands down to the frame of the futon was a good idea but first both breasts needed to be exposed. Then he attached the rope. She wasn't able to move her arms. And then he brought out a flogger. Wack on her breasts. Wack on her things. Wack on her pussy. Over and over again. Her body was tingling all over from the whipping. Then the photographer decided her audience would appreciate some bite marks. So he bit her and held the bite hard and for a long time. The impressions he made would satisfy an orthodontist or a crime scene investigator. He picked up the camera again. Click, click, click.

And then he decided to focus his attention on her pussy. Lots of fingers went in and out. Lots of clit play. More flogging. More biting. More fingers went in both holes. More clit play. Click, click, click. And then a towel was placed down to protect the futon from squirty messes. More flogging. More clamps. More nipple play. More fingers with more exploration and then the photographer learned that Lori is a soprano and she sang to the best of her ability. She sang for her meal. She sang for the photos. She sang for the pure beauty of her song and soon enough they are both glad the towel was in place. And after, soft fingers caressed her vulva and inside her things and she was lost in her zone, feeling it and loving it.