THE SHITBIRD GUIDE TO SHAKE AND BAKE™

~~ preface ~~

the technique described in this document is known as a modified one pot nazi birch reduction, reducing pseudoephedrine. this is known colloquially as "shake and bake". if performed with care and proper technique, it can yield some of the finest quality methamphetamine that exists on this planet. however, this process, if done sloppily and haphazardly, can also yield disgusting, dirty, half reacted pseudo trash. its all up to the individual performing the synthesis. the goal of this guide is to explain in painstaking detail, exactly how i obtain excellent quality product and fantastic yields time after time. im not in any way saying i created this synthesis. im not saying this is the best guide on the subject, but if even one person finds it helpful, it was worth taking the time to write it out. this is the amalgamation of an assortment of online tutorials and my own old fashioned trial and error. put on your thinking cap and let's get started shall we?

I. The Shopping List - [chemical formula/common name] (note: these amounts are typical units of sale, and the amount recommended for a single cook.)

II. The Preparation -

1) put on a pair of nitrile gloves, as we will be handling several caustic and corrosive materials.

2) cut open your instant cold pack very carefully, and dispose of the small water bag inside. the granules or 'prills' inside the pack are AN.

3) use your pocket scale to measure out 60g of AN and then 60g of Lye, and place them in SEPARATE sandwich sized Ziploc baggies. set these two Ziplocs aside.

4) if your gatorade bottle (aka reaction vessel or RV) is totally dry and sans label, measure out 1.5 cups of Coleman fuel and use a funnel to pour it into the bottle. put the bottle aside, and dont lose the cap.

5) crush your pseudoephedrine pills into as fine a powder as you possibly can and set aside in a ziploc or whatever you crushed them in. we want to switch containers as few times as possible, as an unavoidable loss of pill matter will occur with each move.

6) use your pipe cutting tool and pliers to remove the casing from one AA lithium battery, and place the 'guts' (still rolled up) into another sandwich sized Ziploc. If you arent familiar with how to do this, there are tutorials online. Just stop at the point where the casing is removed, DONT unroll the guts just yet. pour a little bit of Coleman fuel into the ziploc to coat the battery guts. seal this baggie and set aside.

7) place a cotton ball into the bottom of a funnel, and then place two or three coffee filters on top. put this funnel on top of a mason jar. this is just to avoid having to fumble around and do this when the cook is complete and its filtering time.

8) fill your empty 20oz bottle (not the one with our fuel inside) about 1/6 of the way full with Damp Rid or table salt. carefully cut a hole in the cap big enough to push the aquarium tubing through, but snug enough so as to be basically air tight. cut an 18" length of aquarium tubing, and push one end about 2" thru the cap. put the bottle of sulfuric acid nearby. leave the bottle with the salt/damp rid uncapped, again this is just prep work so we dont have to fumble around later.

now, we move on to the fun part.

III. The Reaction -

make sure you are still wearing nitrile gloves before continuing. the ammonia gas produced by this reaction will kill the outermost layer of skin on your fingers, and they will be shit brown until the dead skin rubs off. this is something law enforcement is on the lookout for.

1) using a funnel, pour the 60g of AN you previously prepared into your reaction vessel with your camp fuel inside.

2) pour the 60g of Lye from the second Ziploc into the RV.

3) take the battery guts from the other Ziploc, carefully unroll them, and find the dull metallic strip of lithium within. tear off the metal tab (the negative pole of the battery) and then quickly but carefully tear the lithium strip into postage stamp sized pieces, dropping each one into the RV as you tear it off. put the entire strip in the RV. take the trash from the battery guts, and seal it tight in the ziploc that you stored it in. lithium will ignite when it touches water, and will get hot and angry when exposed to the moisture in the air. this is why we do this step quickly. as long as it isnt exposed to the air for too long, its fine.

4) gently swirl the bottle to ensure the lithium is all coated with camp fuel. place the cap on the bottle. give the RV a SMALL shake, followed by a good swirl to make sure the lithium floats back to the surface. we always want it on the surface. you will see ammonia gas start to bubble up thru the camp fuel, and it will start bubbling heavily. once it gets going, watch your pressure by pushing with your thumbs (the top part of the bottle works best for this) and vent the bottle when the pressure is so high that the bottle doesnt give at all. we need pressure for this reaction to work well, so dont let all the pressure out when you vent, just enough to get back to a safe internal pressure. ammonia gas must be concentrated and in contact with the lithium in order for the reaction to progress.

5) the lithium will go through a series of color changes, from its starting color, to tan-ish, to green, and eventually a dark blue shade and it will begin solvating its electrons into the camp fuel, in the form of gold "dust" coming off the lithium. it looks like small geysers on the surface of the Li, and eventually gets to where the gold dust is coming off the lithium in large amounts. if at any time the reaction seems to lose momentum or stops entirely, you may swirl and/or shake the RV gently to restart it. you dont need to shake it like a madman at this point. also, ive found that sometimes the lithium doesnt go through the colors i described above, dont worry if it skips straight to blue, it happens.

6) the lithium will be disintegrating throughout this whole part of the process, and eventually will start forming copper colored balls and copper "puddles". this is good, very good. once about 70% of your initial lithium is gone and your bottle is full of copper bb's and puddles of copper, we are going to slowly vent the bottle completely until we can remove the cap entirely.

7) quickly, but carefully put a funnel on top of the RV, and pour your powdered pills into the RV. cap the RV and give it a good shake. the mixture will go cloudy, or dark colored or both. use the following steps for the rest of the reaction:

a) shake and shake and shake while squeezing lightly with your thumb to mind the pressure. shake for 10 seconds. b) swirl to get lithium to the surface. eventually, some lithium will not return to the surface no matter what. this is normal. c) when the pressure gets high, vent the bottle. the pressure can come up on you FAST as soon as you stop shaking, so be careful. d) watch the reduction taking place for 30 seconds or so. this gives a chance for more 'copper' to be formed, and allows the reaction to take place. e) after 30 seconds or so, repeat a thru e. note the level of lithium amide settling above the granule layer*

8) slowly and carefully release all pressure in the RV. we are in the home stretch!

IV. Filtering and Gassing -

filtering is the most dangerous part of this whole process. we are dealing with lithium in its angriest state, and leaving it in humid air without fuel to keep it calm will eventually result in it igniting. when you are filtering, dont try to get every last drop out of the RV and your filters. its just not worth the risk

1) unscrew your bottlecap almost all the way, and use it as sort of a rudimentary filter to pour your fuel into the funnel with filters/cotton ball/mason jar we prepared earlier. the bottle cap will prevent the larger debris from falling into our filter. the amide and some of our leftover copper bb's will end up in the filter, and thats okay, just dont leave it sitting around in the air for too long.

2) pour about a half cup of fresh fuel into your RV while the fuel from our bottle finishes filtering. swirl this around to catch any leftover dope in the bottle, and then pour it into your filter as well. immediately add enough fresh fuel to cover the remaining garbage in your RV and cap the RV.

3) once your camp fuel is filtered into the jar, carefully squeeze the filters to get excess camp fuel out, and place both the cotton ball and filters into the RV, cap the RV, and place it into a freezer. this will stop the reaction. we always make sure theres fuel covering the used lithium in the RV, because it can ignite if not. you will likely hear it hiss and groan when you add fresh fuel to the RV, thats normal.

4) if your fuel is clear-ish with nothing floating in it, youre ready to gas. if this isnt the case, filter it again. remember to put any used filters into your RV with the rest of the filter trash, dont leave them in the open air if they have any Li on them.

5) pour your filtered fuel into a gallon sized ziploc (i use a separatory funnel. it has improved my yields and reduces the chance of a spill), and set it down somwhere where it isnt going to spill. some people tack it up on the wall by its corner.

6) pour a capful of sulfuric acid into your bottle with the NaCl/CaCl in it, and screw the cap with the tubing pushed through it onto the bottle. this will start to produce HCl gas. try not to breathe this stuff in.

7) put the end of the tube into the ziploc and hover it right under the surface of the fuel. seal the ziploc around the tube as best you can. a freshly prepared gas geneator will be producing a good bit of HCl and wont require a lot of squeezing at first. when you do squeeze the bottle, make sure the end of the tube isnt below the surface of the fuel when you release, as this will suck fuel into the tubing and into the bottle. this is a bad thing of course.

8) you will see the fuel start to turn milky white. as soon as you see white "snow" falling out of solution, stop gassing it and seal the ziploc.

9) sometimes you have to agitate it to get it to really start snowing, but once it does, watch it. that white powder is methamphetamine HCl! if the fuel isnt snowing a lot, you can hit it with the gas one or two more times. wait for the snowing to stop completely.

10) filter the fuel with a single coffee filter and funnel into a mason jar. squeeze all the excess fuel out and set the filter aside to dry.

11) pour the fuel into a new ziploc and repeat the gassing process, until the fuel no longer turns milky and no longer "snows" meth out of it when gassed. this can be anywhere from 3-5 repetitions. dont worry if the first one does not yield much, ive found the second pull to be the best. you may have to add more CaCl or sulfuric acid to your gas generator, but probably not.

you may consume the product as is once its totally dry, or you can acetone wash it and/or recrystallize it (see guides in appendices). dispose of all the trash appropriately. please dont keep the reaction vessels and gas generators laying around your house, this is how people start fires and get busted. good job, be safe, and enjoy!

oh, and fuck the police.

V. Appendices -

A) dual solvent recrystallization - this optional process with clean up your product, purify it, and shard it up as well. the materials needed are:

1) pour a 1/2" layer of epsom salt in the pie pan, and put it in the oven for 1 hour at the highest temp you can.

2) when the epsom salt looks like a grayish white chalky rock, break it up into fine powder and put it in a ziploc. its now dessicated, or dried out.

3) pour about a cup of Heet into a glass container, and add about half its volume in dessicated epsom salt. shake well and set aside.

4) repeat step 3 with your acetone. place the acetone in the freezer.

5) after about 12 hours or so, filter both solvents into clean glass containers. they are both anhydrous now.

6) carefully pour your dope into the last glass container, and make sure its finely powdered.

7) put the container of isopropyl on the hot plate, and let it boil.

8) drip boiling isopropyl onto your dope until it dissolves. stop RIGHT as it dissolves.

9) drip acetone on the solution of dope and Isopropyl until you start to see grains crashing out of solution. STOP RIGHT WHEN YOU SEE THIS. it wont take many drops. one tip i can give you is to watch for the grains by holding the container next to a light source.

10) place the container into the fridge, and in 8 hours or so, youll have nice clear shards. filter them out and let them dry before consuming.

B) anhydrous acetone wash - simple method to clean your dope, and to remove cutting agents as well.

1) dessicate your epsom salts and dehydrate your acetone as outlined above.

2) put your dope in a coffee filter and make a bundle shape.

3) dip it into a container of dry acetone several times and squeeze excess acetone out afterward.

4) the cut and impurities will be washed off the dope and into the container of acetone.

5) let it dry and then consume or whatever you want to do with it.