One Night Stand Dos and Don'ts

So you've met someone, you think you might have chemistry with them, and you think you want to take things to the next level. Whether you've found your new fuck buddy online, in a bar, or somewhere else, keep in mind a few simple DOs and DON'Ts before you commit yourself to a one-night stand. There are a few things every person should make certain of before locking themselves in a room with a stranger all night.

First things first:

DO make sure to stay safe. It never hurts to take precautions. One simple way to get a feel for the encounter early on is to ask to meet in a public place before you retire to your apartment, Ford Escort backseat, or bathroom stall. You can try and get a feel for them there - and DO trust your instincts.

DON’T put yourself in any sticky situation. Remember: you’re meeting a stranger. Bail if you get 'creep' vibes from the person you're meeting. Your gut feeling is usually right! There are billions of people out there for you to screw, and thanks to the internet, they are all more available than ever for no-strings fun. Don't force something that feels wrong because you're horny - it's not worth it.

DO have a backup plan on how to excuse yourself if things don’t go to your liking. See if the bar has an 'Ask for Angela' scheme - it's often displayed on posters in the bathrooms, but you could also arrive early and ask the bar staff. If you feel at all weirded out while you're casing your one-night stand over drinks, you can go to the bar and ask for a certain person by name, or drink. This is a codeword that lets the bar staff know you want to be 'rescued', and they will then do certain pre-arranged things - from calling you a taxi to pretending you have an urgent phone call. Of course, nothing beats excusing yourself politely but firmly and living to hook up another day.

DON’T be embarrassed to tell a close friend where you’re going. You can even say it’s a blind date, if you’re too nervous to tell them you’re meeting with the express intention of hooking up. It's good to have someone know roughly where you'll be, and even be ready to come and pick you up, if you find yourself off the beaten track.

So you're sure you want to take things further - that's great:

DO have a drink to loosen up, if that’s your thing - it’s also a good opportunity to socialise with the person a little before you start exploring your most intimate wants and desires with them. Make small talk. Enjoy this mini-date - the anticipation is going to make taking them home later all the more exciting.

DON’T get wasted. You may be nervous, especially if it's your first one-night stand - but know your limits. Mixing drugs and alcohol is another no-no. You don’t know if you can trust your date to take care of you - and if they're a stranger, it's polite, as well as prudent, not to put this kind of pressure on them. Keep it sexy and don't be a drag!

DO communicate. Tell them what you want. Discuss your expectations. Start early and keep the dialogue going. This establishes a precedent for open and honest talk about what you want, what you feel, what you want them to do - which translates into better sex!

DON’T expect them to read your mind. As above, you need to say what you mean, and say it clearly, if it's something you want. Is there a certain fantasy you'd like to explore, or something that you absolutely don't want to do when you're in the sack with them? Say it loud, say it proud. After all, they're a stranger - so there's no chance of embarrassing yourself.

DO keep an open mind. The flipside to being open and honest about what you want with a partner you might never see again is that they bring their own desires to the table, and you have to be open to that. It's a game of give and take. Like sex writer Dan Savage says, approach the encounter with a 'GGG' mindset - 'good, giving, and game [...] means one should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything – within reason.'

DON’T do anything you feel uncomfortable with, though. It is your right to say ‘no’. If you don't say 'no' much in your personal life, why not practice? 'No, I won't go on the coffee run.' 'No, I can't pick you up from the airport.' 'No, my diary is full that day'. See how easy it can be? Get comfortable saying 'no', and enjoy saying 'yes'!

DO feel free to compromise, but -

DON’T mistake compromise for coercion. It's your decision to make a tradeoff - maybe 10 minutes of this position for something else for you afterwards, and so on.

DO remember that the other person has wants and needs. It's to be expected that your partner's tastes are not an exact match to your own!

DON’T overthink it - this might all seem like a lot of work, but the most important thing is to use your intuition and do what feels natural.

DO use the opportunity to explore new things. But -

DON’T run before you can walk. Have a new sex swing you're dying to try out? Feel the other person out before deciding they're up for some trapeze fucking, especially if you haven't tried it out yourself yet! The same goes for any variety of toy, act, position, role-play, etc.

And finally:

DO have fun!

And DON’T forget to use precautions - safe words, a backup plan, clear and constant communication, and ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX WITH STRANGERS.